[My Diary] I can’t sleep…
Everytime I worry, I just cant sleep. My mom’s back hurts again and the condition seems to be worse. The symptom appears again after several months. I cant help myself but feeling anxious about this. She works too much than she can take and that makes her weaker. Something must be done about this or she will have to spent the rest of her life with a painful back. Probably cannot make an effort of sitting or standing up without help.
My nerve has been like a string being pulled too hard the last several weeks. My brother’s issue has driven me and mom worried sick. She has given out every bit of her strength to take care of him. That is too much for her to bare. God forgive me but I’d rather kill him off than see mom suffering. He is brother and that’s the only reason that holds me back from doing so. Why doesnt he see that he’s killing mom? I know everything is never easy for him. But at least he must try to stand up and be a man. He’s 28 and still plays that rebel game against father and lives a pointless life. What’s all this for? He’s moaning that people dont play fair and mistreat him but did he do anygood for them? Life is always unfair. We cant expect it to give us roses and wine if we dont do anything in return. He suffers because he did it to himself and he is not allowed to blame anyone on that. I can forgive him if he ruins his life but not mom’s.
Not my mom.