[Jeremy Renner] Windy’s Journal: Days of Being “Rennered” (Eng Version)
Basically, this is pretty much the same with all I have written about Jeremy in Vietnamese so far. But the differences are I noted it down in English plus my personal feelings about Jerry. I wrote this during and after seeing Dahmer (since last Wed). As this place was supposed to be “Films and My personal moments” so I think “Why’s not? Let post it here!”
As I’ve started to launch fanpage for Jamie on FB now so I will really busy next few weeks. But I’ll definitely not forget my little corner here with movies and Jeremy. So prepare for being bombed with more Renner’s posts >.^
28-8-2012 Wednesday, early in the morning (Time uncleared)
My obssession with Jerry has been going on for a while. I even cannot remember when it started. Maybe 2 weeks ago, when I went to see The Bourne Legacy, or maybe before that, when I saw him in The Avengers, or just since the day I watched him in The Hurt Locker. I dont know for sure. Well, it seems that I’ve lost my sense of time. I feel like I have known him for all my life and yet, at the same time, completely find him a stranger. I can’t barely go through a day without seeing his photo, reading about him, thinking about him and writing about him, like I’m doing right now.
I watch a movie set in war time, and all I can think about is his chacracters William James, with his heavy protective suit and the funny helmet. I get pissed off when reading a bad comment about his film. Last week, I agrued with a net friend on Internet just because she thought that The Hurt Locker did not deserve 6 Oscars. I was also annoyed when people depreciate his Bourne, although I cannot deny that this film was not really good.
“Wow”, I realized, “I’m having a crush on Jerry.” And I know I mean it. Well, just like before when I had crush on James and Micheal. But each time, the feeling ain’t the same. I’m wondering how long it lasts. 4 weeks, 6 months, a year. At least so far, it’s been 3 weeks and this flu doesn’t seem like it’s going to end.
Wednesday 28-8-2012/ 2:15 pm
I’m watching a film of Renner called “Dahmer”. It’s based on the true life of the serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. To say “watching” is overstated, because in the last 2 hours, all I’ve been doing is replaying over and over again the first 5 minutes of the film to listen the opening song. It’s so weird that a horror movie has such a really lovely song like that to start with. And then Renner, my guy shows up in the worker’s uniform, working his job at a chocolate factory (he’s handling machine) and still, hypnotize me like snake. 10-year-younger and look completely a stranger, but I have the feeling that it is the truly talented Renner I’m about to know. I read dozens of review on the movie and 9/10 stated it was underrated and Renner’s performance was “beyond amazing”. Must note that they wrote their comments back in 2004, when Renner was nobody in Hollywood. And that made their opinion unbiased and very credible. It was a strange satisfied feeling going through my body to hear that. The same feeling I had when I watched his “Oscar moment”. ^“Be Renner’s fan and proud”^
Like James and Mike, Renner is more interesting with doing independent projects than summer blockbusters. That’s why his name was so little well-known. I’m glad that he finally took part in some junks like Avengers so I could have a chance to know him for the first time. He’s just too proud to play in more brainless making-money-films and that stop him from being the household name. But that’s what I love about this man. At last, at 41, he has made the world fall in love with him. That’s not too bad at all. He still has 10 more years to make some millions out of his reputation. But I hope he will keep himself as who he is right now.
Ok, this is not ok at all. I try to focus to watch the film but I realize I’m just staring at him and paying no attention to his acting. And this is not fine at all. God, I can’t evaluate anything here. He distracts me from his character too much. Probably I should go back when my head is clearer. I’m just so into him right now.
Sunday 2-9-2012/1:17 am
I’ve just finished watching The Town, one more time. Just to enjoy his presence, not to criticize as now I have no ability to do it. The last time I saw it must be months ago, which means back then, I was not so crazy ‘bout him like I am now. But that’s good. Because my mind was clean and clear to justify his work better. I can’t be sure what’d made me want to watch The Town so much that I actually downloaded it and pulled out 2 hours to watch the whole film. Certainly it was not because of Benny. I like Ben, but never really get interesting enough to hunt down his films. So it must has been Jeremy. My friend, Romy also talked to me once, like “Hey, check this guy out! He’s really ok.” I knew her voice is worthy to take serious. But obviously, I was impressed by him as Hawkeye before that. So I decided to give him another chance to amaze me again.
I watched the film and I liked it. It was directed and written by Benny and so he, of course, was the spotlight of the show. But how strange that Jeremy was the one caught my attention every time he appeared in the frame. His face expression, his language, his gestures, they were all very strong and believable. We looked at and we really can say he’s a bastard and a bank robber. Dangerous, violent and reckless. Holywood’s been recently making too much demi-heroes or vilians. They think that grey characters look more soulful and attractive but they forget how to make a totally bad guy. James Coughlin of Jeremy gave me back a really asshole that I miss. And I thanked him for that. He did a really good job in The Town.
I believe I know him enough to jump to the conclusion that he’s a respectful actor and he deserves all the good things that his fame can bring up to him at this point: nice car, nice house and of course, a lot lot of fans (me including). I studied his career path the whole afternoon and I can say for sure one thing about Jeremy: he’s always been choosing the uneasy but right things to do. Like most of people who come to LA to chase the American dreams, he’d been through hard time and gone all the way with it. He used to struggle to pay his rent every single month. Hanging out at a cheap karaoke bar because that was the only pleasure he could afford. Using the shower at a Starbuck coffee shop because he didn’t want to pay for water and electricity. He tried to save every penny he made and invested into housing to make more out of them. He’d moved in and out 15 places in 10 years, each one was bigger than the last. He’d done all of that, so that he wouldn’t have sell himself to contracts he didn’t like. You call that arrogance, I say it self-respect. Of course, he still took some small roles each year, but he’s always done his best. Look at him in Dahmer, in S.W.A.T and Neo Ned. They were all done so beautifully. He did not treat his acting career as an earning-for-living-job. It’s his passion and he would never spoil it to make some more money. And just for that, he earns my respect completely. He’s not only an actor but an artist.
I’ve done watching Dahmer for 2 days and still be haunted by the film. Probably, I’ve been through the most intensive moment and full of emotional experience of this month, been amazed once again by his performance. I started watching the film on Wed. It took me 3 days to finish the film. That’s a record.
I’m still reading about people’s opinions of the film on imdb. And no word is enough to describe my great joy and feeling of pride. They all commented very, very positive about his work in Dahmer. Reading those words of praise makes me feel like I’m watching my own brother receive a gold medal in the London Olympic. I just want to jump up and scream, “Hey everybody, look! Listen! That’s my Jeremy they’re all talking about.”
Of course, there are some complaints, but they were about the plot, not the acting. Honestly, I hardly can find any bad comments about the cast, especially Jeremy. Some of the reviews disappointed about the plot as they thought it were too little explaination of Dahmer’s act of kill. But I, like the rest of them, prefer to think that Dahmer is not a horror movie exploiting the bloody killing and trying to show the motivation of Dahmer. If this was about a fictional character, then it would probably really suck and boring. But note in mind that this is about a real human being. If you let too much imagination mess up with the character, you may spoil the original personality and insult that person. Even he was a fucking serial murderer, when you make film about him, you must respect his personality. So the best way is to stay away from any efforts to explain or describe his reason to act as they would be all predictions and exaggeration.
Dahmer was on the right track when it was merely a study into the the killer’s mind, no more no less. Not trying to explain or pulling out any conclusions. And indeed, Jeremy had given probably the best performance ever when potraying Jeffrey Dahmer as a dark, disturbed mind, seeking in vain for homosexual relationships. He quickly learned that like the first victim he killed when he was young, most of society would never accept him as a homosexual So the only way to satisfy his desire is to have sex with the dead. He would not be resisted, not be criticized for whatever he’s done. The dead does not talk. But in the end, he realized that playing with a cold, unconscious body did not give him any pleasure that he desired for. And after all, he was still a lonely and miserable. How tragic is that! I was deeply moved at the scene when Jeffrey “confessed” everything to Rhoney. His hopeless, heartbreaking confession was that he hated himself and hated the world so bad, as he was born as a homosexual that’d be disgusted and rejected. I was, for a moment, feeling sorry and painful for him. After all, Dahmer was just a victim of his own mind. Since the moment his hands’ in blood, he was already a dead man. There was no turning back for him, like the last scene at the end of the film when Jeffrey walked deep into the cold, deserted woods and finally disappeared.
Although the film was really scary, I think I would try to watch it again, someday. I really love Jeremy’s performance in this film. The more I watch, the more I see. And the more I see, the more I want to discover about him. I’m hoping this feeling will not go away so soon. At least for now, I’m not ready to let it go. Not yet.